Meditation - Just start

Meditation.  Yes, I keep thinking about it.  Yes, I keep saying "I'm going to start meditating again".  No, I haven't started.  I'm not entirely sure why.  Lack of time is always an easy excuse, but really I find we have the time we make for ourselves (not always, but most of the time).  It's the same excuse I use when I haven't exercised (and I haven't the past three mornings).  It's just an excuse, it pisses me off when I use it, so I just need to start.  Just start.

You know, one thought that keeps popping into my head is that I'm afraid of doing it wrong.  Aparently my subconscious has this notion that there is a right way and a wrong way and that if I do it wrong I won't achieve what I want to achieve.  And that, too, is a problem - meditation isn't about achieving, not really.  It's not about an end state, but more of the journey.  At least it should be, especially since I'm at the very beginning of any practice.  So I just need to get this entire notion of wrong way and failing to achieve out of my head and just start.

I've read books on meditation before.  I'm reading one now (Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind).  I know what I'm doing, I know how to get started.  Anything more sophisticated than simply starting will come with time.  For now it's enough if I just start.  I don't need the zafu (which I didn't have time to make over the weekend), I don't need anything but a quiet space and time.  I've got that (at least after the kiddo goes to bed).  So the next time I think "I should meditate tonight", I will.  Maybe for just 10 minutes.  I'll just start.  I'll let you know.