up against your edge
When we meditate, we're creating a situation in which there's a lot of space. That sounds good but actually it can be unnerving, because when there's a lot of space you can see very clearly; you've removed your veils, your shields, your armor, your dark glasses, your earplugs, your layers of mittens, your heavy bots. Finally you're standing, touching the earth, feeling the sun on your body, feeling its brightness, hearing all the noises without anything to dull the sound. You take off your nose plug, and maybe you're going to smell lovely fresh air or maybe you're in the middle of a garbage dump. Since meditation has this quality of bringing you very close to yourself and your experience, you tend to come up against your edge faster. It's not an edge that wasn't there before, but because things are so simplified and clear, you see it, and you see it vividly and clearly.
~ Pema Chodron
Comments
At one point my heart felt as though it would burst out (literally) out of my chest.
My teacher later explained it was an experience due to the knots in our internal winds loosening and flowing more freely,though this was a "good thing' it felt awful.
I love Pema Chodron. It's just that simple. I had been 'a meditator' and 'a Buddhist' (along w a few other things) for quite some time - esp when it came to ritual and meditation. I had picked up "Practicing Peace in Time of War" with the hope (and aspiration) that she would make me right about my anger, resentment and frustration with The People Running the World - and anyone else who got me angry or got in my way or somehow - any how - interfered with my egoic stance.
As gently as possible, she pointed out that my arrogance was the issue, not theirs. She stated that there was absolutely nothing wrong with pointing out injustice but not to get too attached to the idea of my own personal results in regard to, say, the love affair between Multinational Corporate First World Leaders.
We find our awakening alone - but it is in the sharing of it that we include others. The Buddha was so wise in asking us FIRST to take refuge in the Three Jewels of the Buddha (and our own innate Buddhahood), the Dharma (and all wise Teachings of every religion and philosophy) and the Sangha - that beloved community of believers that extends to include - by virtue of their very beingness - all beings, not just the ones I like.
There is an extensive freedom in removing the dark glasses and the nose plugs, standing on either a dung heap or a mountain of gold - it is all transient, all based in the notion of the Four Noble Truths and the Eightfold Path.
And it's also pretty scary. When I find myself in fear, or anger and resentment, I remind me that I chose this - it was not chosen for me by another. And, as Thich Nhat Hanh says, we need to see the cloud in the ice cream, the future crop of wheat in the fertilizer and the love we hold for all beings in our hearts.
Sarva Mangalam!
Isadora Isotope